the scare.

I thought that if Dave took all of his medications he was good to go, and would never have a heart attack again. I would never have to have those scary feelings of losing him again. Guess what? That is absolutely not true. I didn't realize how traumatizing it was to our family when Dave had his heart attack until we thought he might be having another one. A few weeks ago he was feeling nauseous and weak, which was how he was feeling the days leading up to his last heart attack. Even though he was not feeling any pain we thought we would go in to the emergency room and see if it is leading up to one and if it could be avoided. Oh that same drive to the hospital, the emotions. I can't believe how exhausting our emotions can be. To make a long story short, he was only dehydrated. What I learned from this experience is that really he can have another heart attack at any time. The doctor said we need to come into the hospital any time he has pain. We always have to be on guard because of his having heart disease. Which makes me ask myself, "how much time do I have with this guy?" Dave's answer would be I could die in a car accident any day. Why worry about a heart attack. True. It just made me realize AGAIN how fragile life is. How we really are in God's hands. any of us could be called home at any time. Every day with our loved ones is a precious gift. How wonderful that Sunday evening was when we came home from the hospital. We couldn't keep our hands off of Dave. We were so happy to all be together, and cherished every minute. We decided that Dave could have his birthday present early. Than we all snuggled in our bed and Dave read to us. It was cozy and wonderful. So, the goal for me is to just enjoy every minute. I keep catching myself thinking things like, "oh this is happening to prepare for when Dave dies." Is that just my anxiety speaking or am I really being prepared and blessed right now? I don't know. I really felt that Dave would be around for a long time after his heart attack. Now, I am questioning that again. Well, I tell you what. I am not going to waste time worrying or being scared. I am just going to continue loving every minute of my life. Living it to it's fullest with the ones I love. I am not even going to think about how I will get the Internet to work when it quits on me every day, or who will keep my craziness in check with calming words of wisdom and logic if I didn't have Dave. ha. I am just going to be grateful for what I have right now. Knowing that my Heavenly Father will always bless me and take care of me no matter what. What would I do without faith in God? Now that is a scary thought!